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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.