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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.