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If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.