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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!