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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.