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The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.