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Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. Iām really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.