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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.