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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.