Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New day, same old bullsh!t
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
This patience thing takes forever.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.