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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.