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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.