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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
My internet goes out more than I do.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
This recliner and I go way back.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.