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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.