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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.