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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.