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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.