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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.