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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
My life coach just benched me.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?