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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
I just broke my record for most days lived.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.