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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
My life is based on a true story
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels