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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone