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I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?