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The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.