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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds