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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Sweating is for people who do stuff.