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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.