Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!