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I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.