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Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.