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I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."