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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.