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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.