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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.