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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.