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Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.