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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.