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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.