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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas