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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.