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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.