Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"