Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.