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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!