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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone