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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.