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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .