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How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Save water, shower together.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...