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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.