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That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
I’m sad when my food is over.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.