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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
This status is mine....I licked it.
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?