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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.