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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
awesome collection!