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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone