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My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”