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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.