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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.