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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.