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some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.