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It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."