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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.