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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything