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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?