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PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.