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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.