Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.