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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.